I am...Human

It costs so much to be a full human being that there are very few who have the enlightenment or the courage, to pay the price...One has to abandon altogether the search for security and reach out to the risk of living with both arms. One has to embrace the world like a lover. One has to accept pain as a condition of existence. One has to court doubt and darkness as the cost of knowing. One needs a will stubborn in conflict, but apt always to total acceptance of every consequence of living and dying.

Morris L. West in The Shoes of the Fisherman

Home for the Holidays

Nobody said that
Life is always fair
Sometimes it clips your wings
While you're in mid-air
But there's a thread
Between your life and mine
And when you're losin' hope
This rope won't unwind

REFRAIN:
Hold on tight
'Cause life is touch and go
It's sink and swim
But never doubt
If you're out on a limb
I'll get the call
To break your fall
I'll never leave you
Even when life
Is touch and go
Or hit and run
We'll never break
If we take it as one
I'm here to stay,
I pray you know
I'll never touch
I'll never touch and go

Someday you'll find
There's nothin' in the night
That wasn't there before
You turned out the light
Straight from your mind
The monster 'neath your bed
The voices in the hall
They're all in your head


I heard this song as I was waiting for the station to end its broadcast for the night. I resign myself to doing this every night until I'll return home. The old songs were bringing back all too familiar feelings that I don't want to remember anymore. But the song which has a funny melody brought me out of my stupor for a while. La, La, La...

Choices are...

Yesterday, my friend and I got talking about decisions. We boiled down to one thought that we both agreed upon: Everything is about choices. I add, There is freedom in knowing that you have a choice.

In teleseryes, it's common to see the characters doing things they don't want to do, owing to circumstances giving them no choice, out of misguided notion of nobility or for the higher good.

It's been years when I've decided to change my beliefs in order to make sense of the convoluted world. It started when Mam K gave me an article from the chicken soup book entitled, It's okay or something like that. Back then, many saw me as a super confident person. I certainly was not. I was a mess inside with insecurities piled up as high as my books in storage.

It took a while for me not to care outright for people's opinions of me, people that I don't know or don't give a squat about me and vice-versa. Criticisms may not bounce off me like bullets do on Superman but I've learned not to give credence to every opinion. I build up practised responses to situations which could have reduced me to tears before.

My point is, (yes I do have one) we are in control of our actions, of our decisions, of our future. Whatever the circumstances are, the facts, the persons involved, we are ultimately in charge of ourselves. We can't blame other people or use our childhood or our past to make up for what we are. Because you can unlearn the things that you don't like about you. You can change. Of course, it's already a given that there is pain in change. But, what is glory without sacrifice? It only makes the pot sweeter, the victory joyous because you expended effort and will to have it.

Nobody is forced to do things. It's just that sometimes, the choices are limited and crude. For example, in the movie series, Saw, the characters are given a set of choices that are so basic (like survival or death) that results to horrific outcomes.

Nevertheless, they have CHOICES. It's easier to assign responsibility (or blame, if you want to look at it that way) in other things or people other than ourselves because that way, we don't do anything about it or make forwarding decisions. Making choices (esp those with big impacts) require awareness and responsibility (such big words) and not many like it (they have to deal with consequences, that's why!).

However we deny or do not like it, we make choices. We only make it difficult by dragging our feet about it. Bitching and moaning about it just increase the unpleasant feelings that we usually associate with it. As I've realized, there is freedom and power when we embrace (or understand) that we always have a CHOICE (together now, WE HAVE A CHOICE). We can change (or manipulate) the details surrounding the situation to make the choices the ones we want or that are acceptable to us.

I think I'm going around in circles with the subject (I'm guilty of redundancy! Sue me.) so I think I'll shut up now. Thank you very much. (bowing out)

The Bearer of Rings