Rite of Initiation

Ang hirap magsimula, ang hirap manguna, ang hirap mag initiate.
kaya siguro merong new beginnings and maybe that's why
there's such a big deal about starting over.

because it's never easy.

even in smaller ways, like being the first to introduce yourself to the group,
being the first to approach somebody else, to be the first to apologize,
maunang mamansin after a long deadmahan period, atbp.

for as long as i recall, I've never been comfortable with this. meron pa naman
akong long-time theory na when life sets out to teach you something, it won't stop
throwing you the same thing over and over until you've learn. period. kaya naman
until now, I still am in this boat, over and over.

paano ba naman, feeling ko kasi parati na lang ako. di ba pwedeng ang iba naman?
pero oo nga naman, kelan ba itong naging counting contest? the one with the most
number wins the ultimate prize, which is? ay ewan.

naiisip ko dapat ako ang winner pero ang hirap parating mauna. except sa tsismis.
it does not pay na mahuli.

does it have anything to do with expectations? therefore, pride comes to the picture?

Posible. so paano ba dapat? think nothing of it? but it doesn't come naturally or kahit second nature nga eh, wala. or does previous experiences lalo na childhood ones have any effect? kung di sanay dahil di ginagawa before, sanayan ba ang solution?

so proven true na naman na anything you learned can be unlearn.

sobrang pag iisip? eto na naman ang problema, pag seryosohan na, i tend to think i'm taking myself seriously kahit di gud.

i think, it's calvin and hobbes' time once more.